Thursday, May 3, 2012

Want Some Fat With That Whine?

Have you ever had a dinner guest that stayed longer than you intended them to?
The meal is over, dessert and coffee have been consumed and pleasantries by the door were over 15 minutes ago, but instead they have taken up residency on your couch, loosened their belt and asked you where you keep the spare toothbrushes.

That's how I'm feeling about certain bad habits that I've been trying to shake. I've gone through the formalities (Identify the Problem, Make a List, Visualize), but there they are, camped out on the love seat of my psyche. Still. I mean, it's been years people. YEARS.

The primary habit that I want/need to address is likely the root of all (my) evil: Procrastination

I could do/have done literally nothing of any import for hours when I've had a deadline screaming towards me, only because I'm scared that it (the project) is going to be a lot of work that I might end up failing at. Yet again, I let the opinions of others color my better judgement. Yet again, I make excuses for why I shouldn't get started on a task. Yet again, I disappoint the only person that matters: myself.

So, I've Identified the Problem. Super. I don't really feel like making a list because, let's face it; a true procrastinator knows how to dodge even the most well-crafted lists... and I am a Master List Maker. It's like my brain equates making a list about the shit that needs to get done with actually getting said shit done.
"See, Krystal?" My brain asks - apparently not knowing that it, too, is a part of the entity known as 'Krystal'. Dumb, dumb brain. "You DID something! You tackled the problem! YOU DID ALL THE THINGS!" When, in actuality, I just laid out all the steps that I already had a handle on in my head, and brought them into stark relief to glare up at me from the paper.

The secondary habit that I want/need to address is a known contributor to my state of mind: Poor Health Habits

Do you know how many pins are in my Healthy Making Stuff-ery board on Pinterest Hm? There are six pins, I'll have you know, and they consist of exercises you can do to to slim your inner thighs, tighten your tummy, tone your ass, have smart cardio intervals, and even a workout designed for a curvy body type. Out of those, how many do you think I've put to use in the last ever?
... you're a genius.

Oh, sure... I've made some fairly good strides lately. Gone are the whole milk caramel macchiatos, replaced with nonfat or soy. Gone are the bowls of instant mashed potatoes for lunch, replaced by something that actually contains high amounts of protein and low amounts of fat. We are now having healthy, homemade smoothies for breakfast every morning. I am buying the low-fat/low-sodium version of just about everything. Hell, I have even flipped off Top Pot Doughnuts when I walk past them in the morning/evening.

None of these things will make any difference, flip-offs aside, without some good old-fashioned exercise. Yaaaaaay. When to fit that in?

Here's my weekday schedule:
5:00 a.m. - Wake Up And Not Kill The Husband And Children
5:00 - 6:00 a.m. - Get dressed, make lunches, make smoothies, gather the day's accoutrements 
6:00 - 6:35 a.m. - Take Steve to work, and kids to daycare
**7:10 - 7:45 a.m. (ish) - Carpool to work with my Mother-in-Law**
8:00 - 12:30 p.m. - Work
12:30 - 1:30 p.m. - Lunch
1:30 - 5:00 p.m. - Work (unless there's an evening meeting, then it's 8:30/9:30 p.m.)
**5:00 - 5:50 p.m. (ish) - Carpool home with my Mother-in-Law**
5:50 - 6:50 p.m. - Play with kids
6:50 - 7:50 p.m. - Make dinner
7:50 - 8:20 p.m. - Eat, clean up after dinner, make Rex's night time bottle
8:20 - 9:00 p.m. - Snuggle Bruce to sleep (Steve has Rex)
**9:00 - 10/11:00 p.m. - Time with Steve, my first/only break in the day, time to write...**
10/11:00 p.m. - Sleep...
** = Will be changing in tasks/actions starting May 7th, when school starts**

I'm sure there are ways I can tweak my schedule to allow for exercising. I know there is a lot that I can do at my desk (see Healthy Making Stuff-ery). I'm just having trouble getting past that all-consuming fear of failure, inadequacy and laziness. It's amazing the ways that Life can really push your buttons.

1 comment:

  1. I don't really have anything super productive to say--except that I also have the exact same issues...I've been making in roads on exercise...but I really need to buckle down on consistency. You know that you're worth it right? Because you're awesome.

    But if it feels better at all, you are not alone. I fear failing at HUGE things SO MUCH that I HATE job interviews, I will literally stay at the same crap place for years (two to be exact) because I fear change and how the next one could be worse or that I could ultimately fail at it and get fired. I'm afraid of asking for too much money on job interviews and CAN'T haggle to save my life. I'M ultimately SUPER afraid of going to school and either getting a degree at something I wind up not likings or not being able to get a job in, or possibly being wrong about how smart I am and failing--or worse yet, letting my old procrastinating laziness somehow own me and failing out of school.

    HOW ARE WE THIS FUNCTIONALLY NEUROTIC...I don't know, but I'll be following along in case you have some awesome revelations. Because, I KNOW you are super awesome and you've already started putting yourself out there--1/2 the battle! I guess the other trick would be to fake it, til you make it? Pretend to believe you can do it, until you believe it for real? I think that's the definition of bravery. Doing something with a bold face even though you are screaming on the inside, because it's the right thing for you to do. Anyhow...I believe in you, you are an inspiration. :D